“I like it when she licks her lips, and her dress drops to the floor.”
“I like for him to throw me on the bed and ravish me.”
“I like rigging a rope to the ceiling fan, so I can strangle myself while my partner gets me from behind, dressed like Bozo the clown.”
Of course everyone has a different taste for what they like in the bedroom (or the bathroom), (or the office), (or atop the piano), but here’s the thing: if you require clown asphyxiation to get you off, you might want to reassess what you do with the rest of your time, because I would guess that your life is lacking in stimulation.
According to a recent episode of Fox’s American Dad, everybody’s got “a kink.” Of course the definition of what is and what is not kinky is going to vary from person to person. In said episode, “kinks” ran the gamut from spanking to a strange inference involving an acrobatic midget and a flying weasel holding a rocket pop.
The inference is that everyone requires some kind of “kink” in order to make sex a gratifying experience. But does anyone, at any point, start wondering whether we’re expecting too much from sex? Yes, sex is naturally gratifying – it was made to be so on a biological level. But if you need a horse, a pocket watch, and authentic chainmail from the crusades to get off – it’s no longer sex that is gratifying you.
Here are some things that those in the whips, chains, and inflatable-life-size-smurf community might want to consider. One would be therapy – not because there is anything wrong with what you’re doing, but a better understanding about what drives it would be beneficial in general. (Don’t take it personally – my first suggestion to everyone for everything is therapy. Got a hangnail? Try therapy.)
Second would be introspection on your job and hobbies. Are you working to your potential? Is it possible that the reason you seek out sexual partners who will flog you with geneoa salami while you hang from your home trapeze is actually because, well, proofreading phone books for a living is killing you inside and you should be teaching inner city kids earth sciences instead? I mean, wind currents are fascinating.
Third I would wonder about your choice of sexual partner. Have you ever experienced a sexual encounter with a partner who you have genuinely cared about? Have you ever actually made love? Instead of thinking about sex as a mode of biological gratification, have you ever conceived of it as a construct of emotional connection or expression?
How would sex change if we propogated it as personal gratification rather than physical gratification? Then everybody’s got a kink would be transformed from “I like to be spanked and called dirty names” to “I like to be hugged and communicated with honestly.”